Danielle Llado talks about coping strategies for adults with autism.
Danielle Llado is a Speech Language Pathologist and the Outreach and Development Coordinator for the Lark Center in Norwood, MA. This series explores different topics related to finding the right supportive housing for your loved one with intellectual or developmental disabilities. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Can you talk a little bit about how parents and caregivers can prepare their loved ones to transition into a supportive home environment?
The first thing for us to remember is that just like any young adult that’s transitioning to college or to a different housing situation, there is going to be some natural hesitancy that occurs. A lot of validation can go a long way, saying, ‘Yes, this is going to be a change, but I believe in you. You can do it.’ So, you’re starting off with this validation. Then the prep work really starts at home. I recommend previewing what the experience at Mainstay is going to look like. What are the expectations? What are some responsibilities? And start slowly incorporating that into your own routines at home so that your young adult isn’t in for this shock of, oh my gosh, here I have to do this, this, and this. Setting those expectations can be really helpful using visuals to say, ‘Hey, here’s what you’re going to do today. Here’s your responsibility,’ and using it as an opportunity to really let your young adult spread their wings a little bit and try out something in a way that works for them. It might not be their same routine, but that’s okay.
Living independently means understanding rules and complying with expectations. Help us understand the difference between compliance and boundaries, particularly for adults with autism.
When we think about the difference between compliance and expectations, compliance really comes from a power dynamic, and it’s really focusing on, I have this thing that you need to do in this specific way, in this specific timeline. Often times, it’s coming from a place of power, ‘You do this because I said so. That’s just what you need to do.’ An expectation has a little bit more wiggle room. It’s honoring this individual’s unique way of approaching a situation and saying, ‘That’s okay too.’ The classic example I think of is unloading a dishwasher. Compliance might sound like, ‘At 10 a.m. you’re going to unload the dishwasher, you’re going to do top rack first.’ The expectation is, ‘Let’s talk about unloading the dishwasher, so then we can load it back up. It helps to keep things clean. You have some options. Do you want to do the dishwasher first, or do you want to take out the trash first? And if you want to listen to music while you do the dishwasher, that’s okay too.’ So it’s really honoring someone’s unique way of approaching something and incorporating why it’s important rather than focusing on the statement, ‘because I said so.’
Sometimes people have to deal with uncomfortable feelings, especially when they’re living in a home with others. How do you advise young adults with autism to manage those kinds of feelings?
As a speech pathologist by trade, whenever I come into a situation where I’m working with a young adult that has some big feelings, I want to understand how much they understand about themselves, whether it’s their own sensory profile, or their communication profiles. Everyone has a different way of approaching life and all are valid. If they’re having uncomfortable feelings, if it’s early on, transitions will take time, particularly for our neurodivergent communities. It’s going to take some time getting used to being outside of the home, but also that work that can be done with an SLP or an OT or a mental health clinician. It is really valuable helping a person understand, ‘Okay, these certain sounds are really bothersome to me. How can I politely advocate to a roommate that this is bothering me?’ What are some self-accommodation strategies that this individual can use, like wearing headphones. Helping this person understand the environments that they thrive in and then helping them advocate for themselves and being advocates for them when they need that help.
How do you create intrinsic motivation for young adults with autism so they’re more willing to adapt to certain norms or expectations?
There has been a huge shift in how therapies approach building skills for our autistic kids and teens. We are moving away from what is compliance based, ‘Because I told you so,’ to, ‘Let’s talk about why we do something and why it matters.’ For example, we might think, okay, we get up in the morning, we do our routines, we eat breakfast, so we know that we are full the rest of the day. Someone that’s neurodivergent might not make that connection. They might not even have those body clues to tell them that they’re getting hungry. So sometimes it takes a little bit of explicit coaching to say, ‘Hey, it’s going to be beneficial for you to eat breakfast.’ Let’s talk about the why, so it becomes intrinsically motivating. And as we’re teaching, we’re tying into why this is an important skill or an important task for their future goals.
I love to do this visually as well, so we’ll make a roadmap or something like that. ‘Hey, you really want to get a job at this pizza place right now. Showering is something that’s difficult for you to access. Why is this a skill for us to work on? Not because I told you so, but because you have to have a certain level of hygiene if you’re going to work in a restaurant environment.’ So, trying to tie it in and using that visual scaffolding can be really helpful for our autistic and neurodivergent young adults.
For more information, you can call 617-431-5400 or email us at: contact@mainstayliving.org
